Have you ever walked out of a meeting and immediately started playing a mental "highlight reel" of everything you think you got wrong? Maybe you’re driving back to the office and the first thought was, "That was awful, I didn’t say anything I wanted to.", instead of congratulating yourself for showing up in the first place.

When you find yourself asking, "What’s the matter with me?" Remember, nothing is the wrong with you. You are human.

I was recently listening to a podcast featuring psychologist Dr. Ethan Kross, and he said something that resonated: “If we aim to live free of all negativity, we’re giving people an impossible and undesirable goal.” That got me thinking about the advice I give clients; change the voice of your inner critic to one of an inner champion.

Here’s what I wrote in my book Find Your Voice: Conquer Your Fear & Share Your Story with Confidence. “To unlock your fullest potential, you will need to address and silence this inner adversary which lives in your monkey brain. I refer to this adversary as your inner critic. It is the little voice inside us that says some not so nice things to us on a consistent basis. Things like – who do you think you are? Why would anyone listen to what you have to say? You tried that before, what makes you think it will work this time. The litany of nasty grams from that inner critic is relentless. And the reason there is a constant stream of negativity is our inner critic thinks it is doing its job: keeping us safe. After all, if you never step on stage, speak up at a meeting, record a video and post it or turn up at an event to meet new people, you’ll stay safe and warm in your comfort you will never get criticized, mocked, or laughed at. However, if you avoid leaving your comfort zone, you will never be able to grow your business or leave a legacy behind that will make a difference in the world.

The best course of action is to acknowledge this inner voice and make it work to your advantage This means befriending it. Understanding the role of your inner critic is to keep you safe. You can learn to harness the power of this voice and retrain your inner critic into an inner champion.”

In other words, the inner critic is not the real problem; understanding what is really going on beneath those thoughts is the key to moving forward.

Your Brain Is Just Doing Its Job

That nagging voice telling you "don't mess this up" or "they’re judging you" isn't a sign of weakness, it’s survival. Your brain is naturally wired to scan for risks and protect your reputation. When you speak up in a meeting or step onto a stage, your brain treats it like a a threatening moment because, socially, it is.

A little bit of that "performance anxiety" is actually healthy; it’s what keeps you sharp and alert. The problem starts when that healthy alertness turns into what Dr. Kross calls "chatter."

When the Loop Takes Over

Chatter is that endless loop: "You sounded stupid," or "Why do you always do this?"

This is where I see so many talented professionals get stuck. It’s not a lack of skill or preparation, it’s that they start believing the loop is the absolute truth. When you buy into that voice, you start playing it safe, holding back your best ideas, and staying quiet when your perspective is exactly what the room needs.

For years, we've been told by experts to "stop negative thinking." Silence the voice of the inner critic. We can’t, that internal dialogue will always be there. Instead of seeing that critical inner voice as something to eliminate, learn to harness the power of an inner champion.

Trading the Critic for a Champion

In my coaching, I don't teach clients how to "delete" that inner critic. Instead, we learn how to lead it. Real confidence doesn't come from a total lack of negative thoughts; it comes from knowing exactly how to respond when they show up.

It’s about replacing that critic with an Inner Champion. Here is how that shift sounds in practice:

• The Critic: "You messed that up."

• The Champion: "You handled that moment, and now you know how to make it even stronger next time."

• The Critic: "They didn't like what you said."

• The Champion: "You offered a different perspective. That’s what leadership looks like."

Interrupting the Chatter

The next time you feel that loop starting, try this three-step reset:

1. Name it: "This is just my brain trying to protect me."

2. Normalize it: "It makes sense that I’m feeling a bit of pressure right now."

3. Redirect it: "What is one thing I actually did well?"

You Can't Engage the Room if You're Battling Yourself

This month in our community, we’ve been focusing on Engaging the Room. But you can’t truly connect with an audience if you’re at war with yourself in your own head.

People feel your energy before they even process your words. When you shift from self-criticism to self-leadership, you don’t just sound more confident, you become someone people genuinely want to listen to.

Your inner critic might always have a seat in the car, and that’s okay. The only thing that matters is: Who is driving?

Ready to stop believing the voice of your inner critic and replace it with an inner champion? Let’s talk. Book a Free Confidence Call today.